54: Why High-Functioning Women Still Feel Undeserving

Your life looks strong on the outside.
Career experience. Independence. Resilience.
But underneath? Money stress. Career uncertainty. Relationship patterns that feel intense but not secure. And a quiet belief that maybe you don’t fully deserve more.

In this raw episode of Rooted & Rising, Tara Mychelle unpacks the “undeserving” wound — how childhood conditioning, scarcity mindset, and survival wiring create cycles of earning and losing, loving and almost, expanding and contracting.

We explore:

• Why high-achieving women still struggle with self-worth
• The pattern of success followed by collapse
• Scarcity programming and money fear
• Survival mode vs. thriving
• Rewiring the nervous system in real time
• Practicing resilience instead of performing it

This isn’t theory. It’s healing while living it — navigating layoffs, single motherhood, financial pressure, and the decision to break generational scarcity at the root.

If you’ve ever felt polished on the outside but unraveling inside, this conversation will feel honest, grounding, and activating.

Next week: the neuroscience behind survival wiring — why your brain keeps you looping in “almost” in love, career, and finances — and how to interrupt the pattern.

Subscribe, share, and leave a review to help more women step out of survival mode and into self-trust.

Transcript

Setting The Raw Intention

SPEAKER_01 0:00

Before we get into today's episode, I need to say something. I'm going to share some raw experiences. And it's been a while since I've recorded anything this raw. And I'm talking about the gap between how life looks on the outside and what actually could be happening on the inside. And yes, I'm talking about some real truths about my own personal life. And I'm talking about a wound that can keep smart, capable, deeply feeling people stuck. You know, that one that sometimes whispers, you're undeserving, that one. I'm talking about what it will actually take to dismantle that because it's not pretty and it's real. So stick around. Also, we're going to get into what we're going to talk about next week. Make sure you stick around to the end of the show because we're going to really dive deep on what it's going to take to really understand yourself at a level that most people never go. So let's get started. Welcome to Rooted in Rising. I'm your host, Tara Michelle, intuitive guide storyteller, and fellow traveler on this wild path of becoming. This is a space for the soul led, for the ones unraveling old stories tending to their healing and rising, not perfectly, but powerfully into who they are here to be. Here we explore what it means to live with intention, to love with depth, and to trust that even the hard things are shaping us. I'll share pieces of my own journey, the cracks, the beauty, the breakthroughs, and invite voices who are walking this path too. Because I believe life isn't happening to us, it's happening for us. So come as you are, root in and rise up. And thank you. Truly thank you for being here. Welcome back to Rooted in Rising. I want to thank all of my regular listeners. I'm just so grateful to have you here again. And if this is your first time, welcome back. Or I should say welcome. My name is Tara Michelle. And this space is for honest conversations about love, work, healing, and really becoming who you're meant to be. And you're in the right place. So I'm gonna dive into today's episode. I I've been bumping up against something, and I felt it would be helpful to talk about it and really put myself out there. And not sounding like a victim, not sounding like, oh, I'm unstable, nothing like that. Because the truth is, I often don't want people to really know the truth about what's happening with me. I don't always like to share the messy bits and the messy parts of my life. And that's the polished version of me talking, right? Also, you know, when we look at people's lives, you think, oh, look how amazing their life is. And, you know, the one who wants the Instagram reel to match the narrative, the one who wants you to believe that, hey, my life is amazing. I've got the fun moments, the strength, the confidence. The one that keeps picking things up off the floor and acts like nothing's falling, you know, that kind of thing. That's been me. You know that feeling? That's been me lately. And when you've got an arm full of stuff and you keep dropping things and picking them up and dropping them again and picking them up, hoping nobody's seeing, but I'm sure everybody's seeing it. And really because you're too proud to put anything down and ask for help, that's been the space that I've been traversing for a while. And it's become very exhausting, and I'm putting it down. And I wanted to open myself up to unload um this heavy burden that it feels like because there's this part of me trying to pretend none of this is happening and don't show the truth, because God forbid people see that you're a real human and you have a messy life, right? Because we spend so much of our time as people trying to hold it together. Make sure no one sees what's really happening, make sure our lives look a certain way. Thank you, social media. And if they don't look perfect, figuring out how to make them look perfect as if perfection was the goal. And as if perfection is even real, because it's not. And here's what I know: there's nothing perfect about this journey at all. Nothing. Your existence, your time here on this earth was never meant to be tidy, news alert, news flash. It was meant to be lived, fully lived, with hands dirty, knees in the soil, digging into the actual experiences of being human.

SPEAKER_00 4:53

And I know we want to call everything a lesson, but I have become one of those people.

SPEAKER_01 4:59

You know, I believe life is happening for me. I do. And I catch myself always calling everything a lesson. And what if it wasn't a lesson? What if we stopped calling everything a lesson? What if it's just experiences? This is just life as we experience it, the rawness of it, because every single experience has depth to it. This rawness, this purity, this uncovering, every experience has something available in it that you can only access if you actually let yourself feel it.

SPEAKER_00 5:46

And I've been letting myself feel it, like really, and it's not pretty.

Gratitude Amid The Mess

SPEAKER_01 5:55

So let me tell you what's actually happening in my life right now, and not the surface version, like the real version of what's happening in my life. I've been laid off, been laid off multiple times in the last couple years, and I'm in between jobs right now, and I'm waiting to hear back on a position that I've been interviewing for. And there's a couple positions that I've been interviewing for, waiting to hear back. And I really need them to come through. There is this space of desperation, like it needs to happen. And I'm navigating how to pay bills during this time. I'm raising a teenage boy on my own by myself, and I don't have a wealthy family to fall back on. There's not like uh, and I'm not saying everybody does, but I don't. And so I have to figure out what's next. Like, how will you keep everything afloat? And and and I will tell you every night, every morning, I'm using every tool I know, every spiritual practice, every mindset shift, every prayer to keep myself from sliding into a dark place.

SPEAKER_00 7:26

And I'm not sharing this for people's pity.

The Core Wound Of Undeserving

SPEAKER_01 7:30

I'm sharing it because I think, you know, my whole point in doing this podcast is, you know, there could be someone else out there listening who is in a similar place, or maybe an even harder place. And they need to hear that they're not the only one deep in the trenches of life. That even there's someone else, you know, who talks about rising and rooting in, but that someone else is also deep in the trenches, sifting through the ashes, you know, walking towards the light in pitch dark, praying that I won't trip or fall over anything and that I will get there, I will reach it, I will make it there. God has not forgotten about me. And at the same time, I look around at my life and I think I'm so freaking blessed. We live in this beautiful home. It's not a fancy home, it's just it's it's our home. And I love it. And we live in that, and we have food on the table, and we have clothes on our back, you know. And if you scroll through my Instagram feed, you'd say, wow, she has an amazing life, and and you know what? I do, I have an amazing life, and it's messy, and we're rebuilding, and I'm blessed at the same time, I'm grateful, and I'm shitting my pants at the same time. The mess, the miracle, all existing at the same time, you know, and here's where it gets deeper because what's really happening underneath all of this isn't about the job or money, it's about a core wound I've been carrying since childhood, and that is I'm undeserving.

SPEAKER_00 9:47

That's what I've believed.

Breaking Generational Scarcity

Inner Makeover And Daily Practice

Worth In Work, Money, And Love

Rewriting Love And Safety

Permission To Be Unpolished

Surviving And Choosing Self

You Are Not Alone

Community, Messages, And Support

e‑Guide Invitation

Teaser: Brain Survival Vs Soul Thriving

SPEAKER_01 9:51

And boy, can I tell you, I could show you all the things that that story in my neurological brain that had been locked in. Now that I've seen it, we're we're dismantling it. But I could look for the evidence, right? I was told this as a child over and over, in ways that children internalize and build their whole nervous system around that I didn't deserve to have the things I wanted. And I can see now clearly how that belief has literally run my life. Every time I become wildly successful, it isn't long before I lose it all or come close to losing it. Money grows, it gets tight. It grows, then it gets tight again. It's a cycle, a pattern, not random, a pattern rooted in a belief I've been carrying around since I was a little girl. And my family operated from scarcity. You know, money doesn't grow on trees. We don't have enough, we can't afford that. Like all those conversations. Those conversations are from lack, they're poverty thinking, poverty mindset that has been passed down generation after generation, like freaking furniture, heavy, old, crappy ass furniture taking up space in your life. And I've spent my entire adult life trying to break free from it. Only now, right now, in this messy season, am I doing the deepest work I've done in a really long time? Not just knowing where the wound came from, but asking myself, who do I have to become to shift at the level of my cellular being? What does it actually take for myself as a human being to dismantle a belief that is old and deep? What does that take? Who do I need to be? What are the questions I need to ask myself? And I'll tell you what it takes. It takes a whole new level of work, a whole new level of trust. And I think that's the piece is like the trust. A new level of willingness to look at yourself without flinching. It takes affirmations that you say even when you don't believe them yet. I believe you may have been saying a lot of them. And it takes looking every single day for the evidence that contradicts that old story. It takes what I've been calling a deep personal inner makeover. And it's laborious. And is it worth it? Fuck yes, it's worth it. And some days I have no idea if I'm making any progress. Today is one of those days. As I record this episode, I'm like, well, I don't know. I know that I am deserving of a miracle now. And I'm gonna expect miracles right now. That's what I'm gonna tell myself right in this very moment. Because I don't know. Like, I'm in the deep space of the unknown, but I keep going because I know this. If I don't do this work now, this cycle continues over and over and over. And I'm saying it right here and right now. This cycle stops today, it stops now. This season for me is about self-worth in every area of my life. And those of you that have been listening to the previous episodes, you know that I created an e-guide around this. It's called Fuck Almost. Your guide to being fully chosen in love, work, and self-worth. So in my career, do I believe I deserve to be well compensated for the 20 plus years of excellence and skills and good work that I've done? Do I believe the right opportunity is on its way to me? Or do I keep bracing for my life to fall apart? In my finances, do I believe that I get to be wildly prosperous? Not just okay, not just getting by, wildly sustainably, generationally prosperous, because that belief is the prerequisite. The money follows the belief, it's not the other way around. And if you don't believe that at your core, this is what I'm learning. It's never gonna happen. It has to literally be at your core. And in love, this is where it touches me in a place that is so vulnerable for me. I absolutely desire partnership, a real one, not one that is like here to bail me out or rescue me, okay? But a man who truly sees me, chooses me, all of me. The crazy, the wild, the strange, the sexy, the sensual, the whacked out shit, the conspiracy theorist, the realist chooses all of me and wants to build with me, wants to blend a family with me, wants to create legacy, laughter, love, friendship, partnership with me, someone I get to root for, who roots for me too. Someone that we build a legacy for our children that is like so amazing. And we grow together. And even if as I'm saying that on this episode, there is this voice, that quiet persistence in the background. It's like, oh yeah, that's not happening for you. Nope. And it's in that moment that I have to say, uh, yeah, that's a lie. That's not the truth. And I know that voice. I know exactly where it comes from. It was built from years of abuse as a child, childhood abuse, physical, sexual, emotional, years of loving people who used intensity as a substitute for devotion. My nervous system learned that love was dangerous. And so my brain, trying to protect me, whispers that small little devastating lie all the time. But my but my brain is built to survive. My soul, my soul is built to thrive. We are thriving, okay. That is what my soul says. Fuck all this other noise, like fuck it. And part of this inner makeover is learning to trust my soul more than my survival programming. I even feel something when I say this next thing out loud. Okay. There's a part of me that would love to be a stay-home mom right now. To have that space to just be present with my son during this season of his life. I can't believe I'm crying so much in this episode, but I'm telling you, I'm like, this is all real shit for me right now. I kind of am moving through some shit. You know, I would love to be a stay-at-home mom with my son. And that feels so uncomfortable to say. Because there's this thing inside me, this pride, this independence. Like I have to do it all myself. And that makes softness feel dangerous. But the truth is, I deserve someone who loves me steadily. Hello. I deserve someone who chooses me freely, wants to take care of me, not because he has to, but because he literally has joy in his entire cellular body doing it. I deserve that. You deserve that. Everybody deserves that. Deserving that for me, that's where the work is. That's been the battlefield. And that is why fuck almost is out there. It's my e-guide. Fuck almost. It's not just relationships, it's the whole thing. Your guide to being fully chosen in love, work, and self-worth. Because once you stop accepting almost in love, you start refusing almost everywhere in your life. And by the way, the link is in the show. It's in the show notes below if you want to check it out. But but sometimes I have to ask myself, why? Why am I sharing all this today? Does it even make a difference? Like, what the hell difference does this make? You know, I'm not here to be people's guru. I am no one's guru, okay? I am not here to be anyone's savior. I do not have all the fucking answers. I don't. I'm not standing on some elevated platform handing down wisdom from the other side of the struggle. I'm in the struggle, right alongside with you. I'm in it right now. But I know this. The only reason I've made it through some of the hardest seasons of my life is because I've heard somebody else talking about theirs. And I recognized that I had to stop hiding out. Because I have a lot of wisdom to give. I have a lot of love to give. I have a lot of love for humanity. I have love for people. I fucking love people. I think people are amazing. And I know that there could be somebody else sitting out there right now today, sitting in their home, you know, quietly pretending that everything's okay when it's not. And maybe they're listening to this show. And maybe they need to hear that, hey, you're not alone. You're not alone. I, you know, I'll tell you, there was a time years ago I was in a very um abusive relationship, and I was living in Colorado at the time, and uh beautiful aspen. I mean, who wouldn't want to live there? It was amazing, and I was in this crazy relationship, and I was just as crazy because the relationship was off the charts, insane. Um, so much abuse. But I had come across Bonnie Rait's first album, and and it was one of her early, it was her first album, and every song on that album gave me the strength and the courage to get my ass out of that relationship. Every song on that album, you know, the lyrics, her voice, her story, it gave me language. It gave me courage to do what I needed to do. And those of you who who know me, you know, and you might follow me on my private Instagram page, you know I. I go to concerts galore because music like speaks to my soul. It's what carries me in some of those darkest times. And so, like I said, there could be somebody who is sitting out there quietly, terrified in their own life about money or love or worth and hearing this episode may make them feel heard or seen. You're not alone. What if my walking through this out loud gives someone else permission to stop pretending? That's the only reason, right? That's the only reason I'm here to share. Not to be polished, not to perform healing I haven't finished yet, but to say I'm walking it too. And if something in my story gives you even one moment of what Bonnie Raid's voice gave me, that's enough. Like that's everything. So I came to the realization this week sharing this, all of it, gives me freedom. Because the moment I stop needing my life to look a certain way for you, I get to stop performing. I get to just be the woman I actually am. Someone who swears way too much, someone who loves deeply and is actively dismantling a generational wound while trying to keep the lights on and raise a good human and build something that matters. You know, yes, I've survived child abuse. That's right. You know, physical, sexual, emotional. I've surm I've survived my own messy twenties. Woohoo. The too much partying, the wrong people, the years of not knowing my own self-worth. I've survived abusive relationships and I've come out the other side choosing myself. You know, I've built a career without a four-year degree, and that has people always scratching their heads. But I I did what I had to do, right? I'm raising my son, and I'm watching myself get back up when the times get tough and wipe off my knees and keep on going. And have people out there had a harder life. Absolutely, there's people out there that have had a harder life than me. Because the measure of a hard life isn't who suffered most, okay? It's who keeps going anyway. We're not measuring life by oh my suffering. Like I get it. We have all had something. Something. But it isn't about that. It's about who keeps going. Did you get stopped? Get your ass back up because life is happening for us. And if there's anything I'm learning, I keep going. But it's hard some days. And it's not because I'm fearless. Fuck, I'm not fearless. But because I know at the deepest level of myself, God is within me. The kingdom of heaven that Jesus said lives inside me. It is not going to let me down. God has not forgotten about me. Now, if you're listening right now and your life looks fine on the outside, but you're quietly fighting battles like no one knows about, you are not the only one. And I encourage you, reach out. Send me a private message. I'm here for you. I'm here to listen. Okay. And if you're one of these people like myself who's grateful, but you're shitting your pants at the same time, you're not alone. And if you've survived things you've never fully said out loud, and you're still here trying to build something beautiful for yourself, I want you to know you are not alone. I want you to know to keep going, keep trusting, keep getting out of your own way. Never not ever give up on yourself. And I want to hear from you. Like truly, I mean that. If something cracked open for you today, if something landed for you today, what are you walking through right now that you've been pretending is fine? Drop it in the comments if you feel bold and courageous, or DM me directly. In the show notes, there's a link. You can send me a text, and I read every single one of them. You are not talking into a void. I am here and I see you. And I really want to thank you for allowing me the space to just be authentic and real today. Now, if you're ready to go deeper on the self-worth piece, in the areas of love or work and how you see yourself, mine my e-guide in the show notes. Fuck almost. It's waiting for you. Um, the link is down there, and it's written from my walk, and it's written for you. Okay. But before I let you go, I have to tell you what's coming next week because it connects directly to everything we talked about today. So I've talked about this in previous episodes. And we talk about how the brain is wired. You know, it's built to survive while your soul, like I said earlier, the brain, the brain is built for survival and the soul is built for thriving. Next week, we're gonna go deeper into that because I want to talk about the neuroscience of survival programming, why your brain literally keeps you small, keeps you in these cycles and these loops, and keeps you from reaching almost instead of all the way. Not from a place of blame, okay? From a place of understanding. Because when you understand the mechanism, you stop fighting yourself and you start working with yourself. And this is gonna be one of those episodes that makes you go, whoa, that's why I keep doing that. That's why that pattern won't break. That's what's actually happening. It's just a pattern. So you don't want to miss it. And for those of you new followers, listeners, subscribe, follow whatever platform you're listening to me on. Uh, make sure you're there and you get the notifications because we do post every week. And I just want to say thank you. And I look forward to seeing all of you next week. So keep rooting, keep rising. Always, even in the messy middle. And I love all of you. Have a blessed day and week. Take care. Thank you for rooting in and rising with me today. If something in this episode stirred something in you, take a breath, take what you need, and let the rest soften. Be sure to follow the show so you don't miss what's next. And if you feel called, share this episode or leave a review. It helps the space grow and reach others on the path. Until next time, may you walk with trust, speak with love, and rise in your own time. I'm so grateful you were here with us, and thanks for being here. We'll see you on the next episode.