51: Why You Keep Settling (Even When You Know You Deserve More)

Are you stuck in a situationship and wondering why insight hasn’t been enough to break the pattern?

In this final episode of the Situationship Series, Tara explores why understanding the cycle doesn’t always lead to change — and where rooted choice actually begins.

This episode goes beyond dating advice to uncover the deeper reasons people stay in “almost” relationships: emotional safety, pre-rejection, and the quiet hope that clarity will come later. You’ll learn why situationships aren’t about bad timing, why waiting can feel safer than choosing, and what truly shifts when commitment becomes possible — internally and externally.

If you’re tired of waiting to be chosen, over-explaining your needs, or feeling stuck in emotional ambiguity, this conversation offers a grounded path forward.

This episode completes the situationship conversation and opens a new one — focused on safety, embodiment, and choosing yourself fully in relationships, work, and life.

🎧 Listen now — and take the next step with the guide linked in the show notes.

🌿 Ready to Go Deeper?

If this resonated, and you recognize yourself in the pattern of almost relationships, I created something to support you beyond this post.

My e-guide, From Almost There to All the Way, walks you through:

• Why situationships feel so hard to leave
• How nervous system patterns keep you attached to uncertainty
• The hidden payoffs that keep “almost” relationships alive
• How to rebuild self-trust and choose clarity without abandoning yourself

This isn’t about forcing commitment.
It’s about coming home to yourself—so commitment becomes natural, mutual, and grounded.

👉 You can explore the guide here:
From Almost There to All the Way: A bold guide to ending Situationships and choosing Commitment

Whether you’re ready to take that step now or simply sit with what surfaced today, trust this:

You’re not here to live in limbo.
You’re not here to shrink yourself to fit into someone else’s maybe.

You’re here to be rooted.
And you’re here to rise.

Transcript

Opening Question And Intent

SPEAKER_01 0:00

What if the reason you understand the pattern but still feel pulled back into it is because you stop just before the part where rooted choice actually begins. Stay with me in this episode. We're going to complete the conversation and open the next one. Welcome to Rooted in Rising. I'm your host, Tara Michelle, intuitive guide storyteller, and fellow traveler on this wild path of becoming. This is a space for the soul led, for the ones unraveling old stories tending to their healing and rising, not perfectly, but powerfully into who they are here to be. Here we explore what it means to live with intention, to love with depth, and to trust that even the hard things are shaping us. I'll share pieces of my own journey, the cracks, the beauty, the breakthroughs, and invite voices who are walking this path too. Because I believe life isn't happening to us, it's happening for us. So come as you are, root in and rise up. And thank you, truly thank you for being here. Welcome back to Rooted in Rising. I'm Tara Michelle. I am the host of the show. And this is a space for truth, embodiment, and coming home to yourself. Here we don't rush healing, we don't bypass patterns, and we don't settle for almost. This episode is different. And if you've been with me through the entire series, welcome back. And if this is your first time here, you're right on time because what I'm about to share applies whether you heard every episode or you found this one simply because you caught the title and it resonated with you. This isn't another step. It isn't another concept. It's a pause, a reckoning, and a doorway. So for the last five episodes, we've been talking about situationships, not as a dating problem, but as a pattern rooted in self-abandonment, hope, and fear dressed up as patience. We also explored why almost their relationships can feel safer than going all the way. We explored how waiting can look like faith while quietly protecting fear, or why expecting the no ahead of time feels safer than asking for clarity. And we also explored the real emotion energetically, spiritually, of the cost of when you're staying in ambiguity. And today I want to zoom out because here's the truth you can understand every step intellectually and still repeat the loop emotionally. And if you've been nodding all along, recognizing yourself, feeling seen, saying, Yeah, yeah, like I feel seen here. But you're still in the same situation, still having the same conversations, still waiting for clarity that never comes. That doesn't mean you miss something. It doesn't. It means understanding was never the destination. There's something I didn't see uh in myself for a really long time. And I I want to also say I'm I'm excited about sharing this episode because there's so much that I'm sharing here that I've had my own deep ahas over the last several weeks. And, you know, I'm on this journey with you. I'm doing the work while we're doing this. So, and the things that are shifting and opening up are amazing. And I'm gonna share a lot of that as we continue on this year. But as I was saying, there's something I didn't see for myself for a really long time, and I'm sharing it because it is easy to miss when you're honest and self-aware with yourself. And you can listen to every episode, you can recognize yourself in every word, you can feel deeply validated, and then you keep researching, you keep reflecting, you keep expanding your understanding. That is progress. It is. But there's a subtle shift that can happen where insight becomes a place we stay instead of a place we move from. Where understanding the pattern begins to feel like changing it, right? You feel like it's changing because you understand it now. And this isn't about being wrong, okay? It's about noticing something many thoughtful, self-aware people do, myself included. I've done it. We turn awareness into information, we gather language, we deepen insight, and we remain exactly where we are, just with better explanations. Like we're almost ready to shift, we're almost finished with the cycle, we're almost willing to choose differently. And so here's a gentle mirror, not a criticism. What if the way you've been engaging with this work reflects the same pattern that the situation ship revealed for you? The comfort of almost, the safety of not quite yet, the protection of staying one step away from choosing powerfully. Once you see that, something changes because that's where real choice becomes available. And this is the part I want to name gently but honestly. Many people don't stay stuck because they lack awareness, they stay because they've learned the language of awareness without letting it reach the place where choice lives. For example, you know, they understand the pattern, they can explain it, they can even help others see it. But they never let it touch the part of themselves that would require a different choice. So let's slow this down. Not to analyze it and not to fix it. I just want you to notice. You might understand everything I've said so far. You might agree with it, but understanding is not the same as powerfully choosing. So let me ask you, not as a concept, but as a lived question. What part of you is still waiting? And what is that waiting protecting you from? Pause with that. I know I did. And whether you've been here from episode one or you just arrived, here's what the series has uncovered. Situationships aren't about bad timing, they're about misaligned safety. And you don't stay because you lack standards. You stay because some part of you hopes safety will arrive after commitment instead of before the commitment. Almost offers you payoff. Being right later, being chosen eventually, avoiding the risk of asking for what you actually want. Pre-rejection protects you from full rejection, but it also keeps you from being fully seen. And that was something I had to really recognize for myself. And here's the piece we haven't said plainly enough until now. You don't move from situationship to commitment by wanting more commitment. That's not how you get there. You move by feeling safe enough to receive it. Because commitment requires being seen. It requires being chosen now, not later, not eventually. Commitment requires letting go of fantasy. It requires letting go of the version of you that survives on hope alone. And if commitment feels heavy or threatening, so many of us, like so many of us have gone through those phases where it feels heavy, that doesn't mean that something's wrong with you. It doesn't. It means some part of you learned that closeness comes at a cost. So you choose situations where disappointment stays theoretical, where abandonment never fully happens, and where you're never all the way in. So you're never all the way out. And the cost of that, you never get to be fully loved. And when I say that, all I keep hearing in my mind is you never get to fully be loved by you. Because you're in, but you're also out. So I want to offer a few truths from the guide, the e-guide, which you can find in the show notes. And it's it's a guide to assist in this journey. And as you hear them, notice what happens in your body, not your thoughts. So truth number one if someone's presence creates anxiety instead of peace, your body already has the answer. Your mind keeps negotiating it. Truth number two. You don't stay in situationships because you lack standards. You stay because you're hoping safety will arrive after commitment instead of before. Truth number three: the moment you stop waiting to be chosen is the moment commitment becomes available internally and externally. Now, if any of those landed in your chest or even in your gut, that's not a coincidence. That's awareness asking to be honored. And I want to share something personal. I've lived this same pattern. As I said before, I'm doing this work with you, and not just in relationships. But I also started recognizing it in my career. Waiting to be recognized, staying loyal to almost opportunities, believing if I just prove myself a little bit more, they'll see my value. The shift didn't come from me working harder. It came when I stopped tolerating ambiguity in places where clarity was and is required. Relationships and careers follow the same energetic rules. They're relationships. You can't commit where you don't feel safe. You can't receive while bracing for loss. You can't be chosen while hiding parts of yourself to stay liked. That's why the next phase of this podcast expands beyond dating into safety, identity, embodiment, leadership, and choice. Because this pattern shows up everywhere. It does. Like if you have it in one area, I promise you, it's occurring in all the other areas of your life. So if you're still listening and still waiting for one more sign that you're ready, notice how easy it is to bring the almost energy into the work itself. The guide isn't more teaching, it's it's there to support you when insight fades and to really support you while those old patterns want to keep showing back up because they will try for sure. What the guide offers you is it offers you space to reflect without pressure. It offers you questions that bypass intellect and go straight to your truth. It offers you language for patterns you've lived but couldn't name. And it also offers you a grounded bridge from where awareness can actually be embodied into action. But it only works if you use it. Not if you save it for later. Not if you read it and nod and be like, yeah, that's good. That's good information. Because you don't need more time, you don't need more understanding. You're being invited to honor what you already know, what your body is already speaking. So let me ask you, not as a thought experiment, but as a real question, if your pattern were already broken, not healed, not processed, just it was broken, what would you do differently today?

SPEAKER_00 14:09

What would you text? What would you not text? Who would you stop making excuses for? What would you stop waiting for permission to want?

Resources And Closing Blessing

SPEAKER_01 14:29

The answer that surfaced before your mind edited it. That's the answer. That's your next move. Listen to it. And it doesn't have to be dramatic. It just has to be honest. You have to be honest with yourself. Now we're not done with this work, but we are widening the lens. And so as we continue the podcast this year, there will be some guests on the show. There will be conversations about safety in the body. There will be conversations about safety in leadership, safety in choosing yourself in love, in work, and in life. Because commitment to a partner, a career, or a life you want always begins with the same way. It begins with you. So if this series stirred something in you, don't rush to quiet it. Don't let it speak to you, let it move you. And remember, you're never asking for too much. You're never asking for too much. You were just asking in places that couldn't meet you. Now the guide is linked in the show notes below. And so are my one-on-one sessions. Reach out to me for support. Uh, you know, grab a copy of the e-guide. It will help you. And not because you're needing fixing, but because support makes it easier to stay with yourself when the old pool shows up. And it is an old pool. It will, it will, it will tug and pull at your heartstrings. Trust me, I know it well. So that's where the shift really happens. Until next time, stay rooted and keep rising. Thank you all for being with me on the show, and I look forward to seeing you next week. Have a blessed day. Thank you for rooting in and rising with me today. If something in this episode stirred something in you, take a breath, take what you need, and let the rest soften. Be sure to follow the show so you don't miss what's next. And if you feel called, share this episode or leave a review. It helps the space grow and reach others on the path. Until next time, may you walk with trust, speak with love, and rise in your own time. I'm so grateful you were here with us, and thanks for being here. We'll see you on the next episode.