38: Feel Like You’re Behind in Life? Here’s What’s Actually Happening w/ Master Coach Karen Oliver

Do you ever feel like you’re running behind in life, chasing success, love, or purpose, while everyone else seems further ahead? That constant pressure to “catch up” is exhausting… and completely misleading.

In this episode of Rooted & Rising, host Tara Mychelle and Master Life Coach Karen Oliver challenge the belief that you’re falling behind and reveal a transformative truth: you’re not behind...you’re becoming. 

Together, they explore how:

• Comparison and cultural conditioning fuel feelings of inadequacy
• Shifting from survival mode to presence creates true transformation
• Trusting divine timing opens the door to aligned opportunities
• Honoring your current season allows growth to unfold naturally

Karen shares her personal journey of resisting her calling as a coach, only to realize that her unique gifts were meant for the exact people who needed them. Tara opens up about her own leap of faith after being laid off the same week she relaunched her podcast, proof that divine timing can redirect us toward our purpose.

If you’ve been weighed down by comparison, rushing your timeline, or doubting your path, this conversation will inspire you to:
💫 Release the pressure of where you think you “should” be
💫 Root into self-worth and presence
💫 Rise with faith in your own becoming

Tune in now to discover how to embrace your season, trust your journey, and step into the life that’s unfolding perfectly for you.

Find Karen Oliver Here: https://www.wcdcoachingllc.com/

https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCIOHrdR4tR6dpUF_hvJn5_g

Transcript

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Introducing "You're Not Behind"

SPEAKER_02 0:00

Today we're going to talk about how you're not behind, you're becoming. That's right. Because so often we feel like we're behind in life, we're behind in success, love, career, healing. But what if you're not actually behind? What if all you are is on time, becoming who you're meant to be. Welcome to Rooted in Rising. I'm your host, Tara Michelle, intuitive guide, storyteller, and fellow traveler on this wild path of becoming. This is a space for the soul led, for the ones unraveling old stories tending to their healing and rising. Not perfectly, but powerfully into who they are here to be. Here we explore what it means to live with intention, to love with depth, and to trust that even the hard things are shaping us. I'll share pieces of my own journey, the cracks, the beauty, the breakthroughs, and invite voices who are walking this path too. Because I believe life isn't happening to us, it's happening for us. So come as you are, root in and rise up. And thank you.

Meet Karen Oliver: Coach & Entrepreneur

SPEAKER_02 1:06

Truly thank you for being here. Today I'm excited because I have a beautiful guest with me by the name of Karen Oliver, and we're going to discuss this topic today, but a little bit about Karen. She's a dedicated Master Life coach and health coach. She has a strong commitment to empowering individuals in their personal and professional journeys, and her expertise lies in guiding her clients towards achieving their goals and improving their overall well-being. In addition to coaching, she also operates a business academy specifically designed for entrepreneurs through her organization called WCD Coaching Inc., which stands for Women Committed to Dreams. Strives to provide resources and support for women that are pursuing entrepreneurial aspirations. Karen is also a rising author. She is the owner of Fearless Daughters Dream Apparel, an NKB Cosmetics. She hosts the We Dream Fearless podcast as well as Labor and Love Podcast. So I'm excited to be sharing her with you today and excited about this opportunity for us to talk about this very topic. So, all right, welcome, Karen. Thank you so much for being on the show today. I'm so excited to have you. It's just amazing. And I love what you're up to and all the things you've created. And I'm excited to share you with the guests here. So we're talking about how you're not behind, you're becoming. And

Comparison and Finding Your Path

SPEAKER_02 2:37

what I love about this topic, and I wanted to really dissect it with you, is because I feel so many people. I'll say women, because I know a lot of women listen to the show, but just people in general where we feel behind. We always feel like we're trying to get somewhere, trying to catch up, trying like it's not enough, it's not enough, it's not enough. We're chasing that carrot and often comparing ourselves to where other people are and to who they are versus, you know, who we are. And so I want to open this up and just share some more and learn more about, you know, maybe sometimes you've felt that way. Um, especially given that you work with so many women, you're coaching women. You know, when when you think of this topic, what is what comes up for you?

SPEAKER_00 3:25

Well, I think of the topic that you just explained about, especially that's the norm, I think, Tara. For a lot of us, like we think that we're about to because we think that everybody else is a because like you said, we're comparing to everybody. So just you know, talk being able to talk with other professional individual, you know, some young men. You know, some young man, but mostly women because they're like we're we're in the same thing like users, uh I didn't really know what I was supposed to be doing. But then a lot of the people that I was like, um I've just been running away from it the whole time because I'm always to listen to others. And a lot of people used to tell me to like you just sit down, you have an ear to actually listen. You say you're you're not just listening, but you're intaking what they're saying. You have the patience to listen to others and sympathize what they're going through, where versus other people can't, you know, do that because it takes more than to just listen. You have to intake and you have to sympathize and you have to be able to connect with that person's story, what they've been through, what they're saying. And you know, I I really never thought about that. And I got to thinking one day, and I was like, yeah, I do. And you know, I when I started the group and I started the group in 2017 on Facebook, I'm just like, ah, you know, everybody's doing similar things. I was like, maybe this is just a side thing. I was like, uh, I don't really want to go through the hustle and bustle. I was just thinking about what I didn't want to do, what Karen didn't want to do.

SPEAKER_02 5:31

And I was like, I love it, what Karen didn't want to do.

unknown 5:34

Right.

SPEAKER_00 5:35

Right. And I'm like, uh, Karen, it's not about you. The light bulb came on during the pandemic. It's not about you. Um you you have a heart for for helping people, like you said, Tara, to become what they are. You sympathize with them, you listen. So just because someone else is in the same nature, area, or career that you are, you have a different, unique approach to a different audience. And that's what I had to share with the women. I said, Yeah, I felt like that too, but I had to learn, you know, Tara, I had to learn, I had to go to seminars, I had to listen to other women who was already in the industry. Yes. Um, I had to find out what it was that I needed to do in my area, but first I had to learn from someone else and understand their path and that I had to understand my path. So, like you said, it's not that you're not that you're behind, you're right where you're supposed to be, because you have to grow from you have to grow from the area where you're at, and you have to get to that place, and you have to be comfortable with that place sometimes because sometimes you may feel like you're behind, and this person may be out there speaking in front of thousands or hundreds or whatever. You may want to become a professional speaker through through your coaching or through what other area you're you may be doing business-wise or

Seasons of Life and Embracing Growth

SPEAKER_00 6:56

entrepreneur-wise, but there is something that we all have to learn. It's not that you're behind, is that you have to stay in the season that you're in until you get to the next season.

SPEAKER_02 7:06

I I love that you said the season, because I think, you know, I just want to bring the listeners back. This is that whole idea when you're comparing yourself. You know, I'll I'll take an example of my own life is that, you know, I have stories around I don't have a bachelor's degree. I haven't finished it yet. And so I have there, or there is a story like, oh, I can't get as far as I want in my career because that's holding me back. Or, and, you know, and I can go get it at any point in time. I have tried to get it in the past, but it it didn't work out. Um, you know, there's or I'm I'm 54 now, so I should be making X amount of money, or I should be in this kind of relationship, or I or my child should be XYZ, or, or, you know, I should have so many investments. You know, we have these stories that I think are culturally impressed upon us that you should be somewhere at a certain age and a certain time in your life. And really, it it's it's not about that because wherever you are, like you said, is exactly where you were to be. And somebody said to me yesterday, she was talking to a mentor, a dear friend of mine, she was talking to a mentor, and her mentor said, You're simply not ready. Like if you don't have the thing you you say you want, it isn't because you don't deserve it. It isn't because you can't achieve it. It's because you're simply not ready, because you are still becoming whoever this person is to open yourself to whatever that is that you think that you want or or whatever it is, like whatever thing you think you should be at this time. Yeah, you're you're not that because you're not there yet. And I don't even want to say, I don't like saying it that you're not there yet, because it really is about you are in that space of becoming.

SPEAKER_00 8:54

Yeah.

SPEAKER_02 8:54

And I think we often forget to even stop and look at who have I become? What have I accomplished? What have I achieved at this point in time? You know, who am I right now? And I think that also takes us out of the present moment, right? Because we're always looking for what do I need? What do I need? What do I need? Where can I be? Where can I be? What can I get? What can I get? Like that's it's like this weird human condition in the Western world. I can't say it's like that for everybody, but I mean in our Western culture, it's very much of where can I be? Where can I get? How am I gonna get there? instead of who am I right now? Who am I? Mm-hmm. Yeah, it's it's uh it's amazing, it's amazing. So, you know, I wanted to also ask you when when was a turning point for you? Like in your journey, in your life, as opening up this coaching practice, you have a cosmetics business, you have podcasts. I mean, you are moving and shaking. You are getting your voice out there, you are being in your truth, standing in your truth. What was the turning point for you, really, when you stopped worrying about, you know, am I ever gonna get there or what do I not have? Like, what was the turning point for you?

SPEAKER_00 10:14

I would say the turning point, Tara, was I had to get out of self and say, and and tell myself, Karen, you can do this. Um and I think the focal point was I can't think about or worry about in the back of my mind if I'm gonna make it or not. Or if um I'm gonna fail or not, because what we need to realize is that when you fail at something, fail failing is success. It's just it just means that you have to go and pivot and you've gotta do something else or do something different or whatnot. So I had to take that off, take that from the back of my mind and say, you know, Karen, you know, you have the resources here, you have the help, go ahead and do it. And then I had to realize, wait a minute, I'm just not subject to one thing. I realized that, okay, I can be a comma. I know a lot of people be like, oh, what is that? And um a lot of people now have heard of it. Like, a comment means I can, you know, do more than one thing. I can be whatever I want to be, I can take a shot at this, especially if that's my calling. And like you said before, just brainstorming and asking yourself the questions, am I supposed to do this now? Or I'm supposed to wait on this, or can I do can I do both, can I start both of these brands? Can I start both of these brands? What do I need to start both of these brands and what help do I need? I know a lot of times we'll just go ahead and start stuff and we don't even ask anybody, but we need help. We have to ask others because others have gone through trial and error, and we'll have to do it too. And so my turning point was okay, um, I'm sitting up, I'm brainstorming, and I was preparing like two years before. And I knew me being in the healthcare industry and me having my own problems in health, um, as well as um eating the right thing, skincare and all that. And I said, you know, um the name came to me, like I prepared. I had already written down the name and everything. That's how I knew I was supposed to do it because I was preparing for it and I took my time right getting things coming into your life. I was getting things coming, and the names kept coming up, and I was writing down, but I didn't like start them all together. Like um, I was working on the coaching practice for two whole two whole years before I did this.

SPEAKER_02 12:36

The others came together. I have a quite a question in regards to that. What what is the what was the biggest mental challenge or the mental construct that you had to overcome within you? I know for me it's always been self-worth of not enough or I'll never be chosen. Like I have these old patterns or stories from childhood. What was the biggest one for you? Because I know a lot of people struggle with that. And yeah, share more about that.

SPEAKER_00 13:07

Um my my I think my mental challenge was was like, am I going to get the support that I need?

SPEAKER_02 13:14

And am I supported?

SPEAKER_00 13:15

Yeah, and am I supported? And then I had to realize, and you know, talking with other counselors, and they were like, you have to uh receive rejection, you'll you'll have to be able to accept it because everybody that are is close to you and maybe close to you may not accept what you're doing.

SPEAKER_02 13:35

What's right?

SPEAKER_00 13:36

So I exactly so I had to kind of like accept that. If I had to never talk to anybody or knew or just actually confided in someone that I trusted, I never would have known that or whatever. But sometimes it does hurt. Let's like me talking about mental, let's be honest, it does hurt when you when someone is not supporting you that you absolutely close to you when you support them.

SPEAKER_02 14:00

Yeah, yeah. And you know, and it's funny, you know, I I think that definitely is uh that's probably a subconscious line that runs in the back of my mind too. Like, I'm not supported. And hey, anybody listening that shows up as lower back pain, when you have lower back pain, it's because you internally believe that you're not supported, you don't feel supported in your life. And I think uh, you know, it's funny, not that this conversation is about this, but I always bring it back to that is like that's when you fall back on God because God is always supporting you. And when you were talking about you were hearing the names, you were hearing the voices, like you hear, I just got chills, you hear what your calling is when you allow yourself to surrender and just be open to that journey and be open to that process. So it's yeah, it's really beautiful because I know it takes something to be doing all that you're doing. Yeah. It takes something, it takes something, it takes commitment, it takes drive, it takes courage to continually move past that story of I don't, I don't think I'll be supported. And then you just kept going anyways. You just kept going. You kept going. And now you have this amazing, you have all kinds of amazing things going on, your coaching business, your coaching practice, your your podcast. And yeah, it's it's amazing. It's really amazing. The thing that I really love about this topic that I don't think gets focused enough on is oh yeah, there it is. Like the whole contrast between survival versus becoming. And I think so often, I I know for myself as a single mother, um, survival is a constant thing that I have to battle against. That that being in your, you know, because when you're operating from survival, you you don't have clear choice, you don't have powerful choice, you're you're often off, you're often operating from purely survival, which then puts you in this non-logical thinking, and you can make choices that you may regret. And so when you're becoming in this space, and that's where I think that that it's a fine

Breaking Free from Survival Mode

SPEAKER_02 16:11

line when we're when we're worried about where we're not, because when we're worried about where we're not, we are in survival.

SPEAKER_01 16:19

Right.

SPEAKER_02 16:19

When we're in the present, that is really when we're getting to soak in that that essence of who we are becoming. And I think that's a piece that's really missed a lot. So I would love to hear your thoughts about that and what you've seen for yourself, and maybe even some things that you do to pull you out of that survival mode.

SPEAKER_00 16:39

I would say there's some things that are pull me out of that survival mode, just knowing that um that I'm gonna be taken care of, that things are gonna work out the way it's gonna work out. And you actually said it earlier, um, Tara, that you know God supports um us 100%. Like if if I if I know that, well, and if I believe that we could know it, but it's about believing that I think uh more so times we rely on people and he's trying to get us out of, you know, leaning on people so much. I know we have a relationship with people, but he wants us to have a close connection with him and to know that hey, like you can do this, you're that I'm gonna support you every step of the way, even if no one else doesn't. And so just taking myself out of the survival mode, even uh me as well, um, Tara being a single mother, my daughter, she's now 18, and uh the whole time that I was going through uh what someone called it the fake, it could be baby booze, it could be just anything, even though I had a village, even though I had my parents, because they have always been a big part of me and my daughter's life. Um, you know, you still feel like it's it's it's just me against the world, it's just me against the world. And then, you know, God is like, well, what do you think about what is I'm what do you think that I'm doing? I'm here with you. Um, I may not be here with you physically, but you can you can feel me. You can feel my presence and you can see that I'm working things out. But even sometimes you just feel like that somebody needs to be there. Um, somebody needs to be there to be able to understand you. And you still feel like I'm doing this all alone, but you're really not. You're really not, you're really not doing it all alone. So it's like, let me take myself out of survival mode and let me go and do what I need to do for my family, for my children. I know that this person might may not be a part of my child's life or whatnot, but she has me, she has a village, or he has me, and he has a village. And so I have to know that I can move along through the world without worrying about it. Somebody's gonna come to my rescue because I know.

SPEAKER_02 18:55

Right now, right. I think too, you know, you that's so like so many people are waiting for somebody to come to their rescue when the somebody they're waiting for is right there in the mirror. And that's like really looking at who you are, and are you going to rescue you?

SPEAKER_00 19:16

Because we that's good, right?

SPEAKER_02 19:18

Because we do put so much emphasis on who's gonna save me, the government's gonna save me, you know, the corporation's gonna save me. Yeah, the teachers gonna no, nobody, nobody's gonna save you. It's that whole I always love that. Um, I don't know if you know that that little story about the man who there was a flood and he said, God, you know, save me. And so, like a guy comes by on a boat and he says, No, God's gonna save me. And so then a guy comes by with a helicopter, no, God's gonna save me until eventually he drowns, and then he gets to heaven and he's like, God, he's like, I sent you a boat, I sent you, you know, I sent you the helicopter. I sent you all the things, but you didn't do anything with it, you know, because you were looking outside of yourself. Yeah, we need saved, yes, and and and I think in this state of becoming, uh, you know, and I take it back to the title of this podcast, Rooted and Rising. When you are becoming, that's when you're really looking in deep and you are rooting. You are rooting in who am I? What what resources can I provide for myself? And not to say that you shouldn't look out there for support, because there are definitely people there to support you, right? Right. But it's it's it's um, I think it's a fine line again, shifting from that victim mentality into your being your own hero. And these, you know, I actually said it in my very first podcast, which is called Um, it's about being in the gap. And that's when this show is Intuitive Mentor Mom. I love that whole theory about being in the gap because that's that space between that survival and becoming, that's that space where you think, oh, I don't have enough, or I'm not, and I'm I'm not in the career I should be, and I don't have the role or the title I should have, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. And that's when you're in that survival mode. And almost I would say that would be the trigger or the tool for those of you listening is that when you find that you're having those conversations with yourself, like, oh, I don't have the title, oh, I don't have the boyfriend or the girlfriend, or oh, right, my kid isn't, you know, getting XYZ at school, or oh, oh, oh, whatever you think you don't have or you're not doing, that's the trigger to stop. Because actually, if you stop, pull it all in and look around your entire life and literally, I like to say, count your blessings.

SPEAKER_00 21:50

Yes, oh yeah.

SPEAKER_02 21:51

Like we woke up today. That's a blessing. I woke up.

SPEAKER_00 21:55

Exactly.

SPEAKER_02 21:56

I woke up, yeah. My son woke up. Like, that's a blessing. I got my son to school on time. The car didn't break down, I got a job. Like, those are the blessings, you know, or my health feels okay today, or it's better than yesterday, or hey, it doesn't feel good today, but there's something I can do about that. It's like we start looking at the things we've accomplished, and that brings us back to presence versus worrying about what we don't have.

SPEAKER_00 22:26

Yeah, like speaking positive, like all those affirmations that you were just speaking terror, like you were just speaking positive. I may not feel good now, but I feel a little bit better than I did yesterday. Right. Um, you know, just speaking, like you said, those positive informations.

SPEAKER_02 22:41

Yes, yes. And I, you know, and I Stephanie, I just saw a little trigger word on here, income and milestones. Yeah, like I mean, income is a big one, I think, in this country where the majority of the world is worried about not making enough income and thinking they should make more and trying to figure out how they're gonna make more. And I often talk about, you know, what it would be like to just sell it all and go to a quiet place where life isn't such a grind like that, you know? Exactly. Like where you could actually be present in your body, in your life, with your family, with your children. And and that's hard, you know, as a single mom, a single woman, single parent, period, man or woman. It's not easy in this country. Exactly. I'm constantly in my head about I'm not being present enough for my son. I'm not spending enough time with my son. And so then I remind myself when I get caught up in that wheel, I'm like, you know what, Tara? Like I did last night, it was time for bed. I went and laid next to him, and we just had a nice conversation right before, you know, the lights were already out. But I was like, I'm gonna squeeze in some quality time because I'm feeling like it's I'm not giving him enough when in fact I am. But I'm gonna just go ahead and just be present in this moment. I'm not gonna worry about we need to be in bed, it's 9 30. Oh my god, you have to get up at this time, and oh my god, we need to be up at 5 30. A little I was like, you know what? No, I'm just gonna lay here and talk to him. I'm not gonna worry about any of that stuff.

SPEAKER_00 24:12

Pressure moments, yeah.

SPEAKER_02 24:14

Yeah, pressure.

SPEAKER_00 24:15

And I'm and when you say income, Tara, that that that is the norm because I I I have been guilty of it. I have to say I have been guilty of it, but it's about walking, like you said, walking in your truth and trusting the process. Yes, we know that everything takes money, and a lot of us may

Trusting the Process in Uncertainty

SPEAKER_00 24:32

not be making what we desire to make. A lot of us are in the entrepreneurial world and we may be working part-time or something on us. I don't know, or maybe God has told you that hey, stop focusing on the income and focus on your purpose and your future, but you gotta trust me for the income part, but our minds won't grasp it. That need to calm down.

SPEAKER_02 24:55

We could have a whole just a whole show just on that, like trusting in God's process to provide you that income. Let's talk about let's talk about that because that's a big one. Tell me more, say more about that, you know.

SPEAKER_00 25:12

Let's say for you, well, this is this is a true story, even with me, and I'll just share a little bit about me to the audience, and I'm preaching somebody out there about it. But I've been in healthcare since you know working with patients, and that's what I decided to do with the role integrating health coaching as well. Okay, so when I got PR like it, we'll work with different doctors. So recently I got PR.

SPEAKER_02 26:07

Tell the audience what PRN is.

SPEAKER_00 26:09

PR is a needed, so it's not you can make you can make as many hours or as you want, or you make less hours. It's not a demand, they just actually pay if you work with such a such while they're on the patient. You can work that you know, mostly people would take PR if they have full composition. But for me, I didn't have I don't have the full composition. I'm just getting my sport. So I'm just PR and as I was looking at these full competition. What if they take the taste or the feeling away from you to get more hours important? That's like what you did. So I was always available when somebody was on vacation. I was like, yeah, because I was trying to get how would you guys need it for the business and stuff like that. But I was like, I just think it was going to trust me when you tell people to work. So when they have colonies, like how would you guys have in this country store about me? Really, I start looking at the problem and I started saying no because I know what I told God and God was uh taking that that feeling away. Um because he said it's like you want to work full-time for this company when you have a full-time business, but you're worried about the income. So I stopped being available every time they called. And they was like, Well, Karen, do you have a full-time position yet? And I said, Well, you all know I'm full-time in my business. And they was like, Oh, well, you know, I was gonna I was gonna get you some more hours. And so my mom was looking at the income, and then I heard the Holy Spirit say, Oh, are you gonna trust me? Or are you is this your company? Are you gonna give your time to this company and neglect yours or what? And so I stopped answering like just yesterday. They asked me, Can you work for somebody? And I was like, No. And so that to me is totally walking and walking on that path to trusting, even though I don't know what's coming, that I still have to walk that straight path and trust.

SPEAKER_02 28:15

That's so funny you mentioned that because I'm in a very similar situation right now. I was laid off last week and uh in a very similar situation. And I I opened up this practice on the side called Sold Spaces, where I go and do energy alignment for real estate agents and property listings, and that really opened up it, it kind of blew up the moment I launched it. And and so the day that I relaunched this podcast, Rooted in Rising, the next day I was laid off. I actually then had several appointments with new clients, and that that's just been a week now. Um and there's a fear of like, oh God, I need to go get another job, I need to go get another job. Uh-huh. There's the other piece of like, well, maybe it's a part-time job because I'm supposed to do this job because God has aligned and opened this up for me, and it is my purpose, it is my truth. All these things started bubbling up even with the podcast because the podcast is yet another extension of the truth of who I am. And so it is funny, and it is that piece, you know, those that are listening, yeah, you have to trust and have faith, and that's the scary part. Oh, yeah. And when I say scary, it's not listen, here's true, here's true story about me. I mean, I've lost everything before. I've lost my house, I walked out, my car was gone. I was like, well, guess I got repo today, you know. I was like, I have been there. I have lost everything before. And in this position that I'm at, I don't feel the fear or the shame that I felt during those times because that was many years ago. Now I just feel like, okay, God, I hear you. I hear you, but you're gonna have to show me. And I think that's the other piece, is you have to ask. And this is that's these are those spaces of becoming, right? This is where you're polishing your stone, you're polishing your who you are, and you're you're polishing your character. And and I had told people in a a couple episodes back where I was like, you want to ask yourself, you know, um, who were you for yourself that day? And and where did you take the stand for yourself? You know, what are the things you put in place to keep shifting who you say you are in this world? You know, where and basically what it's saying is where did you sell out on yourself today? And where did you choose not to sell out on yourself? And and that's an interesting place to be, especially in America, where, and there's a lot of people that I know that listen to this show, you're not here in America. Um, but anybody who's really living in a Western civilization where the almighty dollar tends to drive our behavior versus the almighty God within you, the love within you, the heart within you that should really drive everything, you know? So yeah, it's it's it's interesting. And so I very much resonate with what you say because I'm I and and I think the universe, God, however you want to say it, does that where you're like, I'm gonna go be X. And then the universe says, Oh, really? Right. Let's just see. Do you really want to go do that? Because I'm gonna dangle this over here. What about this over here? You're like, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna stay straight. No, but what about this over here? And it's yeah, it's that it's that navigating, navigating that space, and it's the balance of survival versus truth within you and allowing yourself to fully become who you came here to be. And wouldn't that be amazing if we had a planet full of people who came here to be fully who they came to be versus you know, just being the minions of everything that the news or the media is telling you to do, just follow that. Like, no, like get connected to source, get connected to who you are, root in, and then you rise, and then you rise. So, what else would you like to share about this space of becoming? And you know, um, I would love for you to share, you know, how how when when coaching the women that you work with, what are things that you would offer them? If somebody came to you and you said, you know, she's in a state of survival, she's in a and she has all the stories of why it's not working. Yeah, what what would you suggest? What are things that you would offer?

SPEAKER_00 32:39

Um, I would I would offer, I would say that I would suggest them. Um I help a lot, a lot with identity crisis, because I believe that a lot of people, you know, just go into identity crisis mode and they like, I don't know what I'm doing. Uh all these things are not working out. What should I be doing? And I think uh offering them that, hey, let's just discover who you are. That that's what I offer. Let's just discover who you are, where you're supposed to be. Forget about, you know, what he or he or she said about you, but who do you think that you are? And so that's number one. Let's let's discover, let's have a conversation about you yourself. Um, relationship is important when you're working with uh clients, relationship, getting to know them so they can become comfortable with you. Because if they don't become comfortable with you and they think that you're just like, you know, everybody else trying to talk them down, or you know, they won't come to you. So I would say, you know, personal development and identity crisis is something that I work with a lot with people before even connecting with purpose. Before you connect with purpose, you need to know your true authentic identity exactly and who you are.

SPEAKER_02 34:00

Yeah, because I think it's easy, um, especially people

Identity, Purpose and Becoming

SPEAKER_02 34:04

who are parents, it's easily it's easy to begin to see your identity solely as the parent. Right. Um, or solely as the wife or the husband, or solely as, you know, the employee. When I think again, in in a world in a culture that's so driven to keep you disconnected, to keep you working, to keep you stressed. Um there's a whole reason for that too. That's that's a whole another other conversation. Yeah, they want to keep you sick, but right, you know, it is very easy to lose who you are. Yeah, forget who you are, and to forget the importance that you know, you can't actually be your the best version of you for your family if you don't even know who you are. Right. If you don't take that time to really reflect in who you are and pull back. Yeah. So um, you know, one of the reflection questions here that was written down is, you know, where am I judging myself for being behind? And that goes back to, you know, what we were talking about, you know, that trigger point is when you notice that you're over there chasing something, whatever it is. You're chasing something. If you're chasing anything, whether it's a relationship, a job, the money, you know, the household chores, if you're chasing it, you know, that's when you're in that survival bone. And I just want to say household chores. I don't know about you, but I have had to practice like the house is dirty, the house is dirty, yeah, and the house is just gonna stay dirty, and that's okay, you know, because when I was single, you never knew I had dogs or cats. The house was always so damn clean. Now that you know, single mom, I'm like, well, the house is dirty and it's okay. But but even practicing that, yeah, because as a as a single parent, you 10 o'clock at night, you're like, okay, I gotta do the dishes now. Okay, but I could do like you can always find something else to do.

SPEAKER_00 36:08

It's like you're we're always updoing something.

SPEAKER_02 36:10

It's like it's time to settle down. Yes. And and even last night I did it. I was Tara, you're gonna sit right down and you're just gonna sit and you're not gonna do anything. But I was like, Oh, but I have to do this PDF and I have to write this up and I have to go work on this other house, and la da. And I was like, Nope, it's seven o'clock, girl. You have to give yourself time. Like, you know, we have to remember to give ourselves that time because that's the becoming. Those are the spaces, the silence, the rest, the relaxation. Need it rest, yeah, the just the decompression, the decompression. So, um, yeah, another thing you brought up that I see here too, that you brought up, uh, you use the term season, and I love that term season to talk about before because I I know we'll wrap up here soon, but I want to talk a little bit more about the seasons and those transitions of seasons.

SPEAKER_00 37:07

Oh, you know what? I'm glad that you say that, Tara, because um on my on season one on um my first podcast, the Dreaming Fearless Podcast, I thought about different seasons. Um and I there's another word too, uh we probably didn't mention, but it's it's called compromise. And that's just like uh comparing ourselves to other people. Um and I know in certain seasons we try to compromise because we're trying to get to the place where we need to get to. The seasons, it's just like we have four seasons, you guys, like uh uh spring, winter, fall, and summer. And it's like look just for instance, we're in where we're getting ready to enter the fall. Um, I don't know what date fall is, but it's like um I'm not gonna we're in summer, but I'm not gonna try to catch it with fall and get into fall. It's like I'm trying to move and force myself and push myself into something where it's not my season yet for that. I have to embrace until I can, I gotta stay in summer basically. Because you can't embrace the heat, y'all. Embrace the heat, embrace embrace the heat, like uh feel where you're in the sandals and stuff like that. But it's like I'm gonna embrace what's happening this summer. This summer, there may be a lot of things, there may be some good things going on, or there may be some things that that's not okay, but we'll work out like you were saying, Terry, you gotta speak positive. I know this is gonna work out before you know it, but I need to embrace the season that I need in because I can't try to get the phone. It's still summer. I've got to wait until that season turns. And I think a lot of us we we we don't want to wait. Um, we don't want to be patient. Patient is a hard word. I know it's easier said than done, but we have to be patient because everything takes time in its season. So we have to be patient.

SPEAKER_02 38:57

It is everything takes time in its season, and I love that because you can absolutely bring it back to the metaphor of the actual seasons. Um, you know, a tree doesn't just grow overnight. It it literally is there's this whole developing process happening under the soil before it pops up in the soil, like everything. And as you were talking, I started thinking about I said, now media and consumerism in America, they will constantly push you to be a season and get into a new one three months before the one. They're like pushing you into well, I'm sure Christmas is gonna be coming out any day now. Oh, yeah, and then they want everybody living in Christmas. And it's like, and I'm one of those people, it's not that I resist, and I used to work in that industry, and so you know, I used to work on the design side of that industry and then the garment industry and the whole seasons and the pushing. And now, I mean, you know, Valentine's Day stuff is coming out like on January, you know, and then Easter's coming out in February, and it's like it's all about pushing you to spend more money, more money, more money. Exactly. And that I think that also can trigger those it can trigger your mindset to fall out of the presence of your own season because they're pushing and they're driving it from a consumer standpoint, and it's constantly thrown in your face. And that's another another opportunity for you to recognize where am I doing that to myself?

SPEAKER_00 40:30

Right, right.

SPEAKER_02 40:31

You know, you know, where am I? If you don't have the six-figure income, it's probably because you're not ready for it. You know, I haven't hit the multi-million dollar income because I'd probably lose it all the next day because I I'm not in a place where I could properly, and I I like this word, I don't know that I would be a good steward of that kind of money yet. You are now can I build up to that? Yes, yeah, it's the same thing, right? You don't have the love of your life in your relationships yet or in your life. Well, then there's something about who you're being that you need to look at. Could you receive the love of your life or would you push him or her away? Right? Have you healed enough in your own heart that you can receive that person or are you gonna push them away? And and you know, I I can't stress it enough. When when my girlfriend said that yesterday, she was like, Yeah, you're my this mentor I was talking to said, you know, I'm just not ready. And I and I just I saw it in a different light that I'd never seen it before. Because it's not that we're saying you're not ready, of course you're ready, you're ready right now, right? But the only person in the way is you, therefore, you're not ready because you're pushing something away, or you got some stinking thinking, or something with worth, or whatever it is. Like God is like, hey, I'll give it to you right now, but you're in the way. Exactly.

Final Thoughts on Consistent Desire

SPEAKER_02 42:01

What do you have to get out of the way of? And I feel like I'm collapsing a few things and going off.

SPEAKER_00 42:05

I'm glad that you say that because it made me think about what I shared uh today on my culture hub on my YouTube channel, that uh most times we can be inconsistent with our desires when we ask for something, we're not being consistent. Oh, because it hasn't came yet. Oh, I don't know if I and I I've done that um some seasons ago, and I even had to apologize and repent for that. I was like, um, just because it ain't went my way or it ain't came, I'm talking about, oh well, I'm not even thinking about it. Are you telling the truth? Do you really mean that? So like be consistent with the desires of your heart.

SPEAKER_02 42:40

Yes, I love that. Be consistent with the desires of your heart. I got chills when you said that, and I'm getting chills right now. Yeah, because it is it is being consistent, yeah, with the desires of your heart. It's so important, and and very much what you just said. You're sitting there saying, I want, I want, I want. Well, it isn't here yet, so it's never gonna happen. And it's not no, it's gonna happen, but you've got to stay desiring it. You have to stay, you have to live as if it has already happened. I love it, yes, true, yeah, and you just stand in that. So, well, what would you like to say to wrap things up today? Because I and I just want to say I've enjoyed, really enjoyed having you on the show. And for the listeners, we just her and I just met. Like, I just met this beautiful woman and she's like, I want to be on your show. I was like, What? Really? Okay, cool.

SPEAKER_00 43:33

And it just feel like and it just feels like we've been knowing each other for so long. So I'm so glad that I ran into Tara. I um I just want to thank you for having me and audience. Thank you so much for listening to this great conversation. I just wanted to um just encourage you all to just be you, be authentic, you um just some small things that are um coming up. Um, I have um if you would like to follow me, yes. Please tell us where where they can publicly know you on YouTube, um, and Coach Karen Oliver on Instagram official linked in Oliver Facebook. Um anything else out of there, there's social there's emails and links where you can get the consultation with people. I didn't have an application. I don't have a day actually to become it's actually women's one, but um it's gonna basically um it's it's forcing the women to single men. Um slang and giants in my single it's gonna say what is it called?

SPEAKER_02 44:48

What is it called?

SPEAKER_00 44:49

Slinging giants in my single hood.

SPEAKER_02 44:51

Sling giants in my single hood. I love that.

SPEAKER_00 44:56

Well, anybody can it it can be anybody and also need a devotional baby boom where me and Tara was pretty much talking to some about how you know we need to grow and we need to grow in different seasons of our life. So actually, it talks about that, and then and then it also comes with a journal. So if you would like to subscribe to the email list, just follow me on those social media platforms so you can that date comes out.

SPEAKER_02 45:21

And I'll have all of that in the show notes too. So yeah, so I yeah, I'm just gonna wrap everything up. I want to thank everybody for joining us today on Rooted in Rising and really just leaving all of you with, you know, recognize when you're in those states of thinking you need to be somewhere, thinking you need more, thinking you have, you know, you're not where you should be, and just bringing it back into center, presencing yourself and remembering that you are in a state of becoming in that very moment, that very moment, these like it's it's like a flower. It's like when a flower blooms. Has anybody anybody listening? If you if you go Google slow motion flower blooming and watch like a rose blooming in slow motion, or I guess it's not slow motion. They think they like speed it up so then you can see the full thing. I mean, it's like you're morphing into this beautiful human being with all the layers peeling, and whatever is showing up for you in that moment is perfectly designed for you in that moment to help you grow, to help you unfold, to help you bloom, to help you. And I what you said you have um what what what do you have that something bloom?

SPEAKER_00 46:37

A shop a devotion called bloom baby bloom.

SPEAKER_02 46:40

Oh, bloom, baby bloom. I love that. Yes, because we are always blooming. Yes, we really are. Well, I just want to say thank you so much for for being with us today. Thank you, everybody. We will see you on the next episode in two weeks here on Rooted in Rising. So stay tuned for the next episode and thanks y'all for being here. Thank you for rooting in and rising with me today. If something in this episode stirs something in you, take a breath, take what you need, and let the rest soften. Be sure to follow the show so you don't miss what's next. And if you feel called, share this episode or leave a review. It helps the space grow and reach others on the path. Until next time, may you walk with trust, speak with love, and rise in your own time. I'm so grateful you were here with us, and thanks for being here. We'll see you on the next episode.